Man, I feel like a… well like a man actually.

If you haven’t read the first post I did about this then you can read that here:

Alternatively, you can just not read that and I can save you some time by telling you that I’m trans and, at the time I wrote that post, I was in so much denial.

Last summer I dislocated my knee and spent a lot of time alone in the house. My friends came to visit me and offered me loads of support via messages but something wasn’t right. I realised that I had depression and that I had had it for a long time. (You can read more about that here:

I have always thought about being trans. I mean I repressed it a lot but it had always played on my mind; in the middle of the night when I was wide awake. My therapist helped me to talk about what I described as “the biggest can of worms ever”. 

It is the biggest can of worms ever. It has shocked me and it is the most difficult thing to come to terms with.

People often talk about friends and family having to go through a grieving process but I’m grieving too. I plan to do a post on that at some point, but I’ll just say now that this isn’t an easy thing for me to get my head around.

I question it. Of course I do. But I’m a man. I’m a man who likes Tegan and Sara and that’s ok. I mean I was an honorary lesbian for 24 years. I am a straight man who likes a “lesbian” band. That feels weird. I guess I’m going to have to explain why to people but I doubt explaining my music tastes will be the hardest thing to do. 

I hope you all likes blogs about being trans because this blog is about to be full of transness! 


Say thank you more.

I hear a lot of people telling their tiny humans to “say thank you to the bus driver!” and they normally do. Whether it’s a quick thanks, a shy thanks or a bold, almost shouting thanks I always appreciate it.

We could all say thank you more.

Here are my current thank yous:

  1. Thank you to everyone who has stood by me recently. Notable thanks to close friends (that drunkenly ring me to tell me they love me), my mum, a couple of colleagues and my therapist.
  2. Thank you to every single person who works in any emergency service. Paramedics. PCSOs. Fire fighters. Coast guards. Mountain rescuers. Police officers. Don’t listen to what “The Sun” says. Have your cup of coffee in a public place; you deserve it. Every single day you leave your house not knowing what the day will bring or whether you’ll even return home. 
  3. Thank you to doctors and nurses and physiotherapists and porters and cleaners and receptionists in hospitals all over the world. The world simply would not exist without you.
  4. Thank you to my goddaughter who reminds me that happiness can be found at the top deck of a bus or at the bottom of a tub of poster paint.
  5. Thank you to the musicians who have managed to say all the things I can’t say and better.
  6. Thank you to my favourite poet who has changed my life beyond comprehension.

Say thank you more.

Song of the week: week 33.

This week’s song of the week is Gold by Ria Mae.

I was lucky enough to see Tegan and Sara earlier this year and Ria was one of their support acts.

Her stage presence is amazing and she’s cute which always helps! Gold is crazily catchy and is definitely a song to blast in the car.

Song of the week: week 15.

This week I’ve chosen Tegan and Sara’s “Walking with a ghost”. This isn’t my favourite song by the Canadian twins but a friend of mine suggested it and I agree that it is a great song!

It does, however, remind me of a slightly sad thing that happened but I can’t deny that I enjoy listening to it and that it is one better songs on their “So jealous” album.


I cannot believe it is finally here. Months after it was announced, I finally have Heartthrob residing in my iTunes. February has never been so good!

I could go on about how excited I am about this but I won’t as I’m pretty sure I’ll just start typing incoherent words like auhjhwjnshee.

On with the album!

We begin with “Closer”; an upbeat and delightfully catchy song. (The video is awesome as well; I’d like to point out!) For me, poignant lines in this song include “Here come the dreams of you and me, here comes the dreams” and “So let’s make things physical I won’t treat you like you’re oh so typical”. You can really feel the passion behind this song and I can say with a great deal of confidence that we will be hearing it everywhere! (I’ve already heard it on an ITV2 advert and Take Me Out!)

Next up is “Goodbye, Goodbye” which I think is a bit more traditional Tegan and Sara with a good amount of retro electronics added. It’s a nice pacey song with a meaningful chorus and a really distinct drum beat which is particularly noticeable during the bridge.

When I first heard “I Was a Fool”, the third track on the album, I didn’t take to it but it wasn’t long after I changed my opinion and I love it! The opening piano instrumental is beautiful and the lyrics are wonderfully descriptive. The later choruses and verses have a nice echo element which fits in well with the nostalgic feel of this song.

The fourth song is “I’m Not Your Hero” which is about being knocked down but still persevering. The vocals here are so clear and familiar which makes this song an instant favourite and the balance of slow verses and more pop-Indie choruses really hits the nail on the head.

“Drove Me Wild” is the sexualised fifth song which introduces us to a new, more mature Tegan and Sara; complete with adult themes and a more edgy tune to match.  Not my favourite song on the album but enjoyable nonetheless.

Just past the halfway mark of the album is “How Come You Don’t Want Me”. This song is full of bass and an electronic feel which is so welcome. This song echoes their “Sainthood” album and has some really heart breaking lyrics that are easily relatable.

“I Couldn’t Be Your Friend” is up next and I feel like the lyrics are lost a little bit in this by the charged up music. Not my personal favourite track but it has potential.

The eighth song is “Love They Say” and it’s magical. I have so much love this song! It’s not as upbeat as the others but it’s a really touching and I can see this being a big hit with romantics. It’s so laid back and unbelievably sweet and I adore it!

The slightly synth like beginning of the penultimate song “Now I’m All Messed Up” put me off to begin with but the chorus “Now I’m all messed up, sick and tired wondering where, where you’re leaving your makeup” almost bought me to tears and in the final seconds when the harrowing addition of “please stay” after “go, go, go if you want, I can’t stop you” I finally cried. But it’s hard not to cry at this song, if I’m honest. It’s so raw that you can’t help feel something.

The final song is “Shock To Your System” and is my least favourite song on the album. I feel like it’s a little dull and the lyrics are a bit fluffy; in that they’re not really there for a purpose. This last song disappoints me but has no real effect on how I feel about Heartthrob overall.

Overall, the album has completely won my heart. In short, it made my heart throb (see what I did there?). It’s clear how much work has been put into it and I know I’ll be listening to it for a long time.

I have to admit I’ve been surprised by the reaction by a few Tegan and Sara fans. Some people feel that this album is too “mainstream” or that is focuses too much on the music instead of the words. I can see where they are coming from but I can’t say I agree. It’s been fourteen years since they released their first album and it’s taken them so long to gain any notoriety. No, it doesn’t sound the same as previous albums but does that matter? I’m so happy that they’ve finally broken through to the top of an extremely harsh industry and I think they’re wonderful people to represent the LGBTQ community.

I can’t wait to see wait to see what comes next from these immensely talented women.  

Song of the week: week 7.

This week I’ve gone for a song that I have been playing almost non-stop for a week now and that’s “Scream” by Usher.

Since it was released I’ve had a bit of a soft spot for this song but I only recently got round to putting it on my ipod. And what a landmark that was!

It’s not lyrically the best song in the world but I love the energy to it and the connotations it has.

Later this week I’ll be uploading a review of Tegan and Sara’s “Heartthrob” so expect a lot of excitement from me when that happens!