2017. A year of great change.

Happy new year everyone! This isn’t my first post of 2017 and it’s rather late on the whole “new year” front but it’s here!

2016 was interesting, I’d say it was the most life changing year so far (more on that in another blog post).

Today is blue Monday and I feel strangely positive about it. Rather aptly, I have a session with my therapist later and I’m excited to tell her what’s happening in my life.

I don’t fall into the trap of thinking that my life will be revolutionised in the new year; I am annoyingly realistic. I doubt I’ll lose 5 stone, meet the love of my life or take more photos but that doesn’t mean that change won’t happen. It’s happening now, I already feel much better than I did this time last year.

I can’t even remember this time last year really – without even noticing it, I think the depression has descended. 

That’s how I like to picture depression; like a black cloud. Towards the end of last year I learned how to move out from under the black cloud and how to make the black cloud less detrimental.

16 days into January and I feel changes are afoot. 2017 will be good, it’ll be a year to remember.

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New year, new… nothing actually.

Can we just talk about how my last blog was in June? JUNE. I’m not ok with that and I don’t blame you if you aren’t either.

In June, a lot of things in my life were uncertain; my job being the main one. I’d love to say that I’m in a super secure job that I see myself doing for the rest of my life. But that isn’t true.

In May of last year I applied to be a bus driver. I didn’t think they’d even look at my application, let alone give me an interview. But, for some reason, they interviewed me based on my unrelated work history and my lack of driving experience. I walked out of the depot thinking that I would never hear from them again but they called me that afternoon and offered me a job. I was pleased, obviously, but dubious about my future with them. I was sure that I couldn’t pass the necessary theory and practical tests but I did. I passed my theory elements first time but failed my first practical exam. And I cried. I sat there on the hottest day of the year (it was 36 degrees) in what was essentially a mobile greenhouse and I cried. And that’s when I realised that I wanted that job a whole lot more than I had planned.

Fast forward seven months and I’m still driving buses (just, I nearly lost my job – buses are hard to drive ok?) and still enjoying it for at least an hour a day.

Of course my job brings me a lot of great things (like money – that’s an important one!) but it also takes its toll sometimes. The hours are long and some (and I want to stress some) of the customers are… well horrible.

It feels weird to me that I haven’t blogged about my job when it is such a huge part of my life now!

Apart from my job, I ended 2015 in nearly the same way I began it; drunk, single and fat.

I am my own worst enemy; I know that.

And whilst I know things are bound to happen in 2016 I’m not about to set stupid resolutions and make promises that I can’t keep. I need to lose weight – that isn’t so much of a resolution as it is a fact. I would like to find a lass (this one is harder than losing weight) and I would love to continue to drive buses. Is that sad? I know job satisfaction is good but is it weird how much I enjoy it?

I don’t know. Maybe.

I’d also like to blog more. Although that’s not a resolution because I feel like resolutions are there to fail.

I hope you all had a very merry Christmas and an eventful near year (I played articulate drunk on NYE – beat that!).

Will I try and blog soon. Yes. Will I actually do it? Probably not. I’ve been eying up the WordPress app so who knows…

 

New Year, same old me.

As some of you will know, my new year starts in September. I’ve always been a great believer in the academic year compared to the calendar year. The main reason for this is that nothing changes in January. I am always exactly the same I was ten minutes ago when it was December in a different year.

I am the same slightly over weight, cat obsessed, crappy catering assistant that I was the previous year. I have the same hopes, fears and pet hates. I live in the same house, wake up in the same bed and sit in the same chair that’s in the same place.

Think I’m annoyed by this? Think I want to change my life?

Well, you’d be wrong.

I am a complete creature of habit. I like order and routine and when that changes I flip. I don’t mean I get a bit grumpy I mean I actually feel sick and automatically resent whatever change has occurred.

This is why I hate technology, confrontations and economic downfalls. All of these things have the potential to change my life and that makes me fret full.

I don’t believe that change can be for the best. I believe that it may not always be the worst but that in some way I will feel short changed.

Maybe I’m like this because of all the pretty dramatic changes in my life and that I’m finally craving stability but can you blame me?

With change comes new responsibility, new challenges and new problems.

I get the impression that an awful lot of people don’t think like me and think that I’m pessimistic. I’m far from it; I’m realistic.

I’d love to live in a world full of nice smelling flowers and sunny skies. I’d love to have the perfect life complete with wife, career and family. But it isn’t going to happen straight away and, yes, I am aware that the more I push change away the more I push that life away but then I also believe that all things happen for a reason so there’s got to be a bit of luck for me somewhere? Please?

It’s not that I’m not hopeful for 2013; I am. I’ve got a lot of stuff to look forward. It’s just that I don’t get the new year hype and I think people are kidding themselves when they genuinely think that their will change for the better. Actually, substantial, progression can take months or maybe years and it certainly won’t happen during a drunken night looking at some mediocre fireworks.

I feel better I’ve got that out of my system. Better, but not much.

Horoscopes about tomorrow’s scope.

(The title doesn’t really mean a lot but I desperately wanted it to rhyme!)

In the absence of a review I thought I’d write a piece about horoscopes and star signs.

I was born on the 10th of February which means that I’m an Aquarian. I’ve got a nice birth stone and about a year ago I coincidentally bought an amethyst coloured car. I wouldn’t say I really embrace my star sign but I like the fact that’s it purple. I like purple.

According to the ever reliable internet, there are two different types of Aquarian; the shy ones and the loud ones. Now I don’t see how that’s possible as that basically describes everyone but… I reckon I’d be the louder type. Yes, I know that’s hard to believe!

Aquarians are independent, strong willed and idealistic. Yep, those things are definitely true to me but how much of that is based on my star sign and how much of that is purely a coincidence?

Now, for the purpose of this post, I’m going to describe the personality aspects of a Scorpio. They are intense procrastinators who are passionate lovers. Well that could describe me as well even though I’m not a Scorpio.

Annoyingly, I think that our star signs do have an impact on who we are. I researched a few other star signs and drew little comparisons to myself. I find this annoying because I am quite a logical person and slightly pessimistic about the link between us and our star signs. But it has to be said on this topic, I think there is an element of truth behind it.

Now onto horoscopes, the main focus of this post.

I’ve always read my horoscopes and, no matter how far out they are, I always try to relate them to my life.

“You will come into money in the new year.”

Well that almost certainly refers to when I found a 50p on the way to the shop.

“You are stubborn and stuck in your way. This month you will see another point of view and it will change your life.”

This must be about when I drove on the wrong side of the road briefly because I was staring at a cute cat and decided that I don’t like the thought of being crushed to death by an oncoming car and vowed never to do that again for fear of losing my life over a nice looking ball of fur.

That was a long sentence.

I read a horoscope for me today that told me that in the coming months I would meet people who I would find attractive and that I had to sort the worthy ones from the unworthy ones. Automatically I assume that this is somehow to do with this cute girl that I’ve seen a couple of times. Almost instantly, I see our engagement, wedding day and children’s birthday flashing before my eyes before I see our death; 70 years down the line after we’ve lived a full and happy life together.

I really am an idealistic person; my star sign got that one right.

I think that horoscopes appeal to me so much because they give me hope and spark that little bit of interest and mystery within me. I like the idea that my life is ruled by something more important than my feeble decisions about smoky bacon or roast chicken crisps and I like the idea of fate and that my life is already planned and that no matter what decision I chose to make there is a destiny out there for me that I cannot control.

In day to day life I’m a controlling person so every once in a while I like to let someone else, or rather something, else have some power.

So yeah, I like horoscopes. But with the promise of romance in the next couple of months can you blame me?