Say thank you more.

I hear a lot of people telling their tiny humans to “say thank you to the bus driver!” and they normally do. Whether it’s a quick thanks, a shy thanks or a bold, almost shouting thanks I always appreciate it.

We could all say thank you more.

Here are my current thank yous:

  1. Thank you to everyone who has stood by me recently. Notable thanks to close friends (that drunkenly ring me to tell me they love me), my mum, a couple of colleagues and my therapist.
  2. Thank you to every single person who works in any emergency service. Paramedics. PCSOs. Fire fighters. Coast guards. Mountain rescuers. Police officers. Don’t listen to what “The Sun” says. Have your cup of coffee in a public place; you deserve it. Every single day you leave your house not knowing what the day will bring or whether you’ll even return home. 
  3. Thank you to doctors and nurses and physiotherapists and porters and cleaners and receptionists in hospitals all over the world. The world simply would not exist without you.
  4. Thank you to my goddaughter who reminds me that happiness can be found at the top deck of a bus or at the bottom of a tub of poster paint.
  5. Thank you to the musicians who have managed to say all the things I can’t say and better.
  6. Thank you to my favourite poet who has changed my life beyond comprehension.

Say thank you more.

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That sting.

This week I’ve felt that sting a lot. (Not that water infection kinda sting, thank goodness!) I’ve felt that sting of hurt when someone has said something that I find offensive.

A colleague told me that the only way I could have kids would be adoption (not true) and a friend undermined a situation which, for me, was very real and very serious but for her was little more than a passing phase.

And so I feel stung.

How does one deal with feeling stung?

A year ago I would have been bitter and angry but, as anger is a secondary emotion, I want to allow myself to feel hurt.

And boy do I hurt.

I’m not very good at being hurt. I hate being vulnerable and I associated being hurt with being vulnerable. I struggle to, rationally, admit that something has upset me.

Right now, I’d take a wasp sting over this emotional sting that is happening inside me. 

Well that lasted long.

I reckon I’ll just be an occasional blogger now. I thought I’d get back into the swing of it more during unemployment but alas, I am lazy. And I use the internet for other things (mostly OITNB related…) and forget that I have a blog.
Hello blog.
I’ve now finished painting my room (hurray!) and I’m enjoying my new bed more than I should be. I’ve started having regular bed naps where before I would have a sofa nap. I am an ever changing woman.
Career wise my life is much the same: lots of looking and not a lot of finding. It’s a bit like playing hide and seek in the dark, in a mansion, with a person that gave up after 5 minutes and left the building. I’m searching for something that just isn’t out there. Yuck, that was horribly philosophical for 11:45 at night.
I want to get back to blogging. I love the structure of it and I enjoy getting feedback and hearing about everyone else’s lives but the motivation isn’t there.
I’ve got an idea for a couple of blogging avenues that I may pursue but they’re both quite personal and, although I’ve put personal content on here before, this may be the most personal project to date.
I’m still very much in love with my camera and use it at every opportunity I get (my cats are my main muses). I’ve moved away from landscapes now though and seem to have a fascination for buildings and people. This will, no doubt, change again soon.
This is a ramble post. I should have stopped writing by now.
I uncovered a lot of things while I tidied and re-decorated my room. One of those things was a list I compiled at the age of 12 detailing over 100 things I wanted to do before I died. I am proud (and ashamed) that I have been able to cross quite a few things off and I was amused by what goals I set myself. A friend suggested I write a new list of things I want to do before I’m 30. I worry that I’ll blink and I’ll be 30 and jobless, childless and wifeless. Those are probably the three main things I’d like to secure before turning 30.
I feel annoyed that I let my blogging slip (along with other things like my weight loss…) and I have a schedule all ready for me to start using again. And, before I forget, I have a fairly substantial amount of money I collected from doing my brief stint of “Skinny Wagg” that should be sent to the appropriate charity. (I need to check what charity that was again…)
I might try and revive this blog after all. I don’t think I’m quite finished with it yet.

You deserve this so here it is.

Ok it’s time I properly explain what’s been happening in my life. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I last blogged.

Where do I start?

My car has cost me a sickening amount of money recently. Insurance, MOT and at least 3 new tyres (all due to pot holes – grrrr!) have taken quite a chunk out of my bank balance which would be fine if I was working but…

I’m not. I’ve recently left my job.

“What? Why? When? Are you mad?!”

Mmmhhmmm. For a multitude of reasons. Last month. Yes, I definitely am.

They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone and now that it’s gone I definitely miss it. The financial security, the free food and, of course, the people. Even though I still talk to them it isn’t the same. When you spend nearly every day with the same people for almost 3 years it’s bound to be weird without them but weird doesn’t even come close to explaining how I feel.

And, as to what I’m going to do for money now… I’ll let you know when I know.

“Any women on the scene?”

Nope. Next question please.

“How’s the weight loss going? You must be really skinny by now?”

You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But no, I’m still just as cuddly as ever. And let’s face it, we all know what cuddly really means…

I’m hoping for a good summer though: I’ve got lots of things coming up and even more stuff that I want to do. But before I can do any of that I have a room to paint.

Yup, in the midst of all this uncertainty and change I’ve decided that now is the time to re-decorate my room. I must be mad.

Oh well at least these next few months will be busy.

Have you missed me?

The answer to that question is probably no and I don’t blame you. I expect some of you spent November desperately trying to finish (or start) NaNoWriMo and that those who didn’t were beginning their Christmas shopping and counting down the days until they finished work.

I would love to say I’ve been doing the same things but in reality I haven’t. NaNoWriMo came and went far too quickly and I only managed to write 11,000 words. Although, I’ve never written 11,000 words in such a short amount of time before so I guess that’s a plus. I have completed my Christmas shopping and I’ve now finished work for the Christmas holidays.

I’d love to say that I’ll get back into blogging over this festive period but I know it’s going to be a busy month; I honestly don’t know how I used to blog at least twice a week! That said, I would like to start again in January and, hopefully, start blogging every day or at least three times a week.

Recently, I’ve been back down the gym crying on the treadmill and doing a few hours overtime here and there to boost this month’s income.

I feel like I’ve forgotten how to blog so give me a few days to get back into the swing of it! I’ll probably start by posting some pictures of what I’ve been up to and I should have a Skinny Wagg video (which is LONG overdue) coming your way soon – assuming technology doesn’t fail me!

Back in October, I made a rota of things I wanted to blog about and so I know I have enough structure to blog for about a month as long as I put the effort into getting the contents of my brain onto this blog.

I hope you’ve all been well and that whatever you plan to do this festive season makes you smile. Here’s to a few more months of on and off blogging from me; the ever unreliable blogger that I am.

Not so sober October.

This year, I vowed to do sober October with a friend from work. Last night me and said friend had a drink. Well I had more than one but that’s another story.

At about half one in the morning I decided that Ben and Jerry’s ice cream was needed and that it would go well with some cream. So, I had ice cream and cream. Dairy overload.

For a while, I felt sick and very dizzy but, once the cloud of cider began to drift, I used my awake time wisely and evaluated my life. Here is how I scored.

p>Diet – Currently: 2 out of 10, before 9pm yesterday: 8 out of 10. The diet is going pretty well and I’m starting to enjoy going to the gym. Yes, I do know what I just said and, yes, I did mean it.

Christmas present buying – 9 out of 10. I have out done myself this year. Not only are the majority of presents bought, they are also lying dormant in labelled bags for each person.

Love life – minus 12 out of 10. Basically non-existent and not looking hopeful. Apparently the fact that I can nearly lick my own elbow isn’t a key attribute women look for…

Overall life score – 5 out of 10? I’m striving in some areas and failing in others.

At least now I can comfort myself with alcohol. Goodbye sober October, you were naff.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK – A REVIEW.

Wow.

I could describe the entire series in just that one word but that would be very boring for you and very lazy of me.

I didn’t have high expectations for OITNB for three reasons:

  1. I had to get a Netflix account to watch it.
  2. I don’t like being told what to watch.
  3. I’m not a huge fan of prison dramas.

But I can honestly say that I’m glad I put these three things aside and watched it because… wow.

Because some of you are yet to watch it (and I envy those of you who are seeing it for the first time through fresh, hungry eyes) I won’t go into too much detail about what actually happens as I don’t want to ruin it for you so, if you haven’t seen it yet, you can read this review safe in the knowledge that there won’t be spoilers.

It’s not often that a series can make me laugh, cry and stay up until 2 in the morning watching it but OITNB did just that. I cried for both good and bad reasons and sometimes it crept up on me and sometimes I knew I would end up a blubbering mess.

You only have to look up OITNB gifs on Google to see how quotable the entire series is and see that there is humour in almost every minute of it. If you were looking for a hard, factual, gruesome prison drama look elsewhere.

I have never watched a series so avidly before, and I’ve definitely not given up hours of my precious sleep for it but OITNB is addictive and so fast paced that you won’t feel like you’ve lost half a day watching it. (I recommended it to a friend of mine and she got through the entire series (13 episodes) in less than a week.)

What I love most about it is the realness. Yes, it was based on a real book by a real woman about her real sentence at a prison in America but often these “reality” based programmes are dramatised and exaggerated. You see the back story to almost every key character and this helps to build an understanding of them and why they’re there which is what drove me to tears on many occasions: most of the women are good women who have made mistakes.

This series not only challenges perceptions of prison but also class, race, gender and sexuality amongst other themes such as age, position of power and drugs. Whatever your opinion on these topics, I think you’ll find it hard not to be moved by the stories that portray them.

I could write about OITNB all day (if you like this review and want me to write another where I look at the storylines closer and reveal spoilers then let me know!) but I’m going to leave you with one simple instruction: watch it. I don’t care if you have to get a Netflix account or borrow a friends’ laptop or watch it after a 12 hour shift. And, if you’ve watched it before, watch it again (although I’m sure you need no prompting to do that!).