Last night, I had a foreshadowing mindfuck dream.

In it, I confronted one of my biggest fears about one of my favourite people.

It was a mixture of painful truth and awful potential.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I think dreams are our way of safely exploring things that we cannot process while we are awake. And my theory has never been more prevalent than now.

I don’t struggle with difficult conversations but I struggle to figure out the emotion surrounding them. I can get how I feel out there but then I can’t handle what happens next.

My therapist has told me that sometimes when the fantasy becomes a reality a terrible realisation sets in. All of a sudden, you have what you want and, even if it’s exactly how you had imagined it would be, it’s a shock. 

I am in shock and last night I dealt with that in dream form and today I’m dealing with the idea that I might finally have the opportunity to be happy.

Happiness is scary.


So I had a dream.

Yesterday I got half way through writing a post about dreams when I decided that it was rubbish. My dream was fragmented at best and didn’t really make any sense so I scrapped the post all together.

Last night I had a proper dream.

I was at an all girls boarding school with my friends and I had just found out that some of my friend’s boyfriends were cheating. This lead to a big confrontation in the changing rooms; accompanied by lots of slapping and crying. It was very realistic.

Then it transpired that I was getting friends of mine, from outside the school, to ship tvs and dvds to me via the nearby country roads.

Next thing I know I’m graduating from uni and watching a film about two women who had recently got married and bought a large country house.

I don’t know what this dream means. There were flickers of reality in my dream and the odd part of my dream played out how I would of liked it to had I been in that situation in everyday life. But normally there is some sort of climax or meaning to my dreams and I’m wondering if I’ve skipped the one in this…