My intentions.

Blogging from my phone is difficult but I have a free hour so…

When it comes to a lot of things I have good intentions. I want to read a lot of books, lose a lot of weight and make my room a tranquil place of rest.

In reality however I start and don’t finish books, gain weight and watch my room slowly fill with things that I can’t seem to shift.

It’s not that I’m lazy or don’t have much time. I can be extremely motivated when I feel like it and I have days off work fairly regularly. So I don’t really understand why have a stack of books to read next to my bed.

I think I’m a good procrastinator. I will do almost anything to avoid the most important things in my life (going to the bank is a good example of this!) and I worry myself unnecessarily and make these important tasks seem impossible.

I also have a short attention span. I can’t watch a film in one sitting (I even get up and pace around the corridors at the cinema) and if a book hasn’t featured a death, an affair or some sort of apocalyptic event within the first 5 pages then I’m not likely to finish it.

I guess you could say that I really value my spare time and so don’t want to waste it on things that I don’t find exciting or funny or worthy.

And I’m acutely aware that loosing weight and going to the bank are worthy. So maybe I am just lazy after all.

“You’d love it!” Actually, I hate it.

I didn’t get into OITNB until it had been out for about a year. Everyone told me I would love it. Just because it had lesbians in it? I wasn’t about to bow to that kind of stereotypical, narrow minded way of thinking. I like shows with straight people in so THERE.

But I loved it. They were right.

And then I was told about another Netflix original, Kimmy Schmidt. Apparently I’d love it. I did.

But I think this is where that loving trend ends.

I’ve tried (and failed) numerous times to get past the third page of Little Women and I can’t. I just can’t. It bores me to death. And I know by saying that I’ve enraged people who love “classic” books but I just can’t do it.

I want graphic sex descriptions, swearing and disturbing imagery from a book. I want (and will always want) nearly anything written by Irvine Welsh. Or Sarah Kane; her plays hit the spot too.

I don’t think I’m hard to please when it comes to books and TV yet I seem to disappoint a lot of my friends when I just “don’t get” the things that they love so much.

I’ve been told to watch¬†“Making a murderer” and, to begin with, it was interesting. But now I’m an hour in and I’m struggling. In my opinion, it’s slow moving and depressing (I don’t want to hear about a cat being set on fire, ya know?!).

So what makes some things instantly appealing and others a complete drag? Is it because of my innate stubbornness that I have that tells me that I am right and nearly everyone else is wrong? Is it that I am actually really hard to please but I just don’t know it?

One friend recently described me as “judgey”. Oh. Maybe I do need to give things a chance.

With that in mind, I’m going to plough my way through “Him and Her”, “Making a Murderer” and some stand up shows from Lee Evans. Yup. I said it, I’m not a Lee Evans lover. And I’m sorry, ok?

OUT IN THE ARMY – A REVIEW.

On this Toosday Revoosday, I am not a happy bunny. The programme I wanted to review has been taken off iPlayer and I can’t find it on YouTube. There goes that idea then! ūüė¶

But, I have picked myself back up (literally, I knocked myself out yesterday…) and today I shall be reviewing “Out in the Army”; a book about being gay in the Army written by James Wharton.

I saw this book advertised in DIVA magazine (which I highly recommend) and was hesitant about whether I’d like it or not. But, soon I found myself on Amazon buying it.

I read the brief review on the back from Stephen Fry and felt slightly comforted that it had received such high praise.

I was not let down.

From the start, Wharton combines brutal honesty, humour and captivating image provoking language to set the scene of his early life in Wales and, later, his Army training and subsequent career.

There are some shocking parts, yes, but that makes his journey even more amazing; he strived even when he faced such personal hardships.

Personally, I would have liked to have heard more about his initial Army training but that’s just me.

The book is well paced, thoughtfully written and a truly unique insight into his life.

I could go on to lavishly describe this book in all of its glory but I want to leave a little to be discovered.

Buy it. But it now. Whether you’re gay or straight (or other), in the Army or a civilian, have no interest in the Army or are obsessed with it I guarantee you will not be disappointed. Great read by a great man.

I know a lot about me.

For a while now I’ve wanted to write a book. Not a bestseller full of gratuitous lexis and extended metaphors but a simple book about something that is hopefully good to read. Yup, just a simple book.

I’ve tried to write in the past: a trilogy focusing on the relationship of some lovers, a play about teenage years and self-expression and a short selection of stories about sport. I even tried to write a book about a lesbian relationship – one that portrayed what really happens but only clich√©s filled my head despite how much I tried to steer away from them. None of them meant anything to me. I always felt like I was trying to say what something but that I couldn’t get it across because none of the characters and none of the situations were about me.

So I thought, what do I know lots about? Me. Simple.

Now I’m not stupid: my life is incredibly dull. But I haven’t always seen it in such a raw form. I used to keep a regular diary (as many of you who read my blog will know) and in it I described in heart wrenching detail how awful and confusing my life was. Sometimes if I’m feeling low I’ll read a few pages and think to myself if only I could talk to my 15 year old self.

I know this sounds deeply philosophical from a girl who’s still only 19 but a lot can change in 4 years. I think I would say the following to my younger self “Look kid, it’s rough now but it isn’t always going to be. You’re going to get decent exam results and no-one is going to reject you when you come out. You’re going to get more cats (yes more!) and you’re going to lose one as well. That will be awful and it will conjure up all sorts of painful memories for you. You could do with focusing a little more in sixth form – you get kinda lazy. You’re going to pass your driving test and get a job and you’ll love and hate both of those things. You’re going to get a girlfriend. But breathe; it’s not as scary as you think it is. Your friends will support you throughout all of the above and so you need to keep them close. And keep your enemies closer – it’s not made up nonsense, it helps.”

I’m thinking of taking short extracts from my diary and reflecting on them with annotations, pictures and maybe even colours. I’m pleased that I can finally find something that I’m excited about writing.