Reference points.

“I understand that, but that’s only a point of reference.” – a sentence that my therapist must say at least twice every time I meet her. 

Reference points might as well be called assumptions.

I assume a lot about people; mostly how they’ll react in a situation. Sometimes, I’m right. Very often, I’m wrong.

It is very easy to assume how a person will react to something based on past similar experiences.

The problem with assumptions is that they might hold you back or persuade you to do or say something. 

It also means that when you have a positive reference point and you experience something negative from that person it hurts rather a lot.

Advertisements

Cis hate.

Years ago, I was part of a big LGBTQ group. We’d all met online on a forum and we would occasionally meet up and hang out. Gradually though it all faded out and we just had each other on Facebook.

I used to be friends with a lad called Matt (not his real name) and supported him through his transition (FTM) and I was pleased to see that he was out and happy and getting on with his life.

Then one day he went on a cis rant on Facebook and made comments such as “I want to burn all cis people with lighters”. (I’m paraphrasing but it’s close enough.)

Why the fuck would you want to burn all cis people with lighters?

I don’t care how much of a bad day he’d had, burning cis people is not the answer.

At the time, I identified as cis and so it felt very personal but I was also aware that I was thinking “I wouldn’t want to burn cis people with lighters.”

I told a friend of mine about it and she tried to defend him saying that neither of us knew what it was like to be trans and to face hate from cis people.

Well now I do and I still think what he said was disgusting.

Why would anyone want to cause more hurt and hatred and fear? I rely on my cis friends, family and colleagues every single day. I was created by two cis people. Cis people taught me how to do maths and a cis person taught me how to drive a bus. 

I find it so hard to comprehend that a trans person would alienate someone because of their gender identity and seek to punish them.