For the first time.

No, this isn’t a post about The Script. (However, I do like their music!)

For the first time in my blogging history, I created a post that I could not publish. It’s a post that took only a few minutes to write but will take about £300 in therapy fees to understand.

It’s deep, rambling and extremely hard to read back.

I wrote it in a moment of deep depression.

I’ve been lucky that returning to work and therapy have helped me immensely. Of course, my depression hasn’t gone over night but I have felt better. That was, until the beginning of this week.

I was overcome by the familiar feelings of worthlessness, sadness and despair and it hit me harder than it had previously done. I cannot relate to the person who wrote that post and I cannot understand why they feel that way.

However difficult it is to read, it’s massively helpful. I can do a lot of reflection based on its content and I think I will try and capture my feelings in a similar way in future.

One day, I might feel happy enough to release it out into the world but right now I’m going to protect it; I’m going to protect that fragile side of me. 

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2 thoughts on “For the first time.

  1. Letter writing therapy at its best ^_^

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