The importance of feeling useful.

One delightful way I experience depression is by feeling useless. I feel devoid of all emotion and worth and think that people would be happier without me. Of course, I know that these things aren’t true but unfortunately my stubborn brain refuses to listen.

Today, I am returning to work after four months off. I’m nervous, intrigued and extremely excited.

I have no delusions of grandeur; I am well aware that I am a bus driver. I know I’m not a doctor or a police officer or a charity worker (isn’t it interesting what jobs we perceive as worthy?) but people do depend on me. 

For the past four months I have been receiving my full wage under the company’s sick pay agreement. Whilst this money has been important to my lifestyle and survival it has felt like dirty money. I’ve felt guilty seeing my wages on my bank statements. It hasn’t felt right to be paid for a job that I’m not doing.

Now that I’m finally returning to said job I know I will feel like a weight has been lifted. I will, even for a small portion of my day, be feeling useful and worthy and needed. Long may that continue.

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13 thoughts on “The importance of feeling useful.

  1. When meeting new people I hate the question “So what do you do?” Er, nothing 😔 I say I’m a blogger these days. I know that feeling of feeling pointless. There are plenty of people who do an awful lot but are still total dicks though lol I think whether you are working or not, being a nice person to others is worth something to society :0) xx

  2. I know this feeling of being useless. I felt that way for a few months when I lost my father, and sometimes I still feel it. It’s the feeling of emptiness when there is nobody and nothing that only you can do. It’s the feeling of being insignificant, replaceable, unimportant to the world or even to one person in the world. Even though I’ve been working all throughout, I felt that I was easily replaceable there, thus useless. Writing the blog and especially getting comments from other bloggers gave me the feeling of being needed. Your blog is very good, your posts are needed and helpful for others. You are very much needed by many people out there who are looking forward to your posts! Keep on blogging!

  3. Laura says:

    Great post. We all have felt this in some way or another but our jobs don’t define us. You are more than your job or your paycheck. You have much to say to many and even more to offer. Hope you are having a great first day back. May you continue to raise awareness to others of their self worth and continued success with your work and blogging. I look forward to your future posts.

    • waggcomedy says:

      That’s true, our jobs don’t define us. It certainly gives me a sense of purpose though which is something that has been lacking while I’ve been off. I had a really good day back, thank you. I’m sure it’ll take me a while to adjust back into it fully but any progress is good progress! I look forward to yours too, thank you for your lovely comment. 🙂

  4. As a frequent bus user I just want to say, in the dialect of my Bristol home which is used to thank a bus driver for the journey, an emphatic “Cheers Drive!” 🙂 thanks for the post, I don’t suffer with this particular type of depression but seeing people open up like this really helps me feel better 🙂 good luck with your road to recovery 🙂

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