Depression nearly killed me.

This is going to be a deep one so if you’ve come here for comedy (and my blog name is Waggcomedy so you’d think I’d be funny) I suggest you skim over this one. Unfortunately, there isn’t an awful lot of comedy in depression. 

(Just a quick note before I start this post properly, I am now seeing a therapist and am feeling considerably happier.)

They say depression can happen to anyone of any gender, ethnic origin, socio-economic group or sexuality. It might be a slow burner in the background for years or it might hit you full force one day.

For me, it was the latter. 

I don’t really want to talk about what made me realise that I was depressed apart from to say that it was scary and a relief at the same time. Telling people was difficult and I still haven’t told many people as there is definitely still a stigma attached to mental illness.

The most important thing I wanted people to understand when I told them was that I haven’t changed. I’m not suddenly going to sit at home crying all day and I don’t want to be treated any differently. Thinking about it, I’ve been depressed for a long time but have always blamed my feelings on work or being tired or hormonal.

When I was signed off work (because I dislocated my knee) I was forced to think about the real reason why I hadn’t felt “myself” for a quite some time. I could no longer say I was tired from work and I felt confused for a while because I didn’t understand why I felt so detached from life. 

Through therapy, I have learned that my depression manifests itself in anger which I find difficult. I don’t like being angry and I cannot control myself from being angry most of the time.

As well as anger I’ve also felt an overwhelming sense of worthlessness and have had suicidal thoughts. Slowly these are going though and I welcome having a clearer head.

I wish that depression was spoken about more and I wish that there were more resources for people being widely advertised. I also wish that more accurate representations of people with depression existed. I know depression affects people in different ways but it would be nice to see that explored rather than just the stereotypical view of depression.

Depression is teaching me things about myself that I don’t think I would know and for that I am grateful. It’s taught me a lot about the people around me too and I’m looking forward to hearing their feedback on my changes.

Lastly, I just want to say that things get better. It sounds so cheesy and sugar coated but it’s true. The bad days are shit. But the good days are amazing. Eventually, the good will outnumber the bad. I promise you. 

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17 thoughts on “Depression nearly killed me.

  1. fitnessgrad says:

    Hello,
    Thank you for stopping by my blog page and liking my depression post. After reading about your past with depression, I have realized it is more serious than what most want to admit and I am happy there are others like yourself who want to spread the word and make more people aware of the seriousness of depression. Thank you for writing such a good post, definitely had some emotions come out of me, but overall very well written.

    Shay-lon

  2. This post is so appropriate especially since September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. As a long time sufferer of depression I empathize with you.

  3. All I say is … The black dog can be an arse .. We are all treading water … solidarity sister X

    • waggcomedy says:

      It certainly can be! Speaking of which, have you seen the video about depression being compared to a black dog? I sobbed – would highly recommend! Solidarity indeed! πŸ™‚

  4. Thanks for sharing your struggles with depression. I suffer from it too, and it’s a horrible monster. Glad to see you’re doing better.

  5. Eliza Waters says:

    I think it is great that you posted this, as I expect many may find relief seeing that they aren’t alone in their feelings of depression. Talking openly about it is one way of dissolving the stigma. I expect everyone at some point in their life experiences ‘the blues.’ My whole life has been a road of learning how to cope with it. Avoiding stressful situations best I can, walking in nature, quiet time, journaling, and yoga all help. As we are each unique, our strategies will be the same. I think it is also important not to identify with the condition, as in “I’m a depressed person” vs. “I occasionally experience depression.” It is a subtle difference that enables us to move forward with life. Thanks for sharing your experience!

    • waggcomedy says:

      Thank you for your comment. I agree that we should try and distance ourselves from depression. I definitely think that if we spoke about mental health more openly it would ease the stigma. I hope you continue to find ways to feel better πŸ™‚

      • Eliza Waters says:

        Thank you. After 40 years, I’m quite happy on the whole. I know what to do to rise back up when that sinking feeling comes, and largely what to do to avoid going down that road in the first place. A lot of self analysis to get there, I listen to the ‘still, small voice within,’ which never steers me wrong. πŸ™‚

  6. Ann Coleman says:

    Thank you for sharing your struggles with depression. I think it can help a lot of people.

  7. Thank you for sharing ❀ It can really help everyone
    I've written an article myself on my own depression and history – and how I believe writing helps us and can help us to combat this. Check it out if you like. https://emilycrutcheruk.wordpress.com/2016/09/29/how-writing-is-helping-me-combat-anxiety-and-depression/
    Emily x

  8. Thank you for stopping by to give my post “Autism Positive” a like.I have also had depression in the past.

  9. Reblogged this on LightExistence and commented:
    Reblogged from the “Waggcomedy” blog.

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