There’s always one.

There’s always one straight woman or, maybe, there’s an entire string of straight women who have (unknowingly) broken your heart.

I wish there was just one for me. I wish that I had had one crush on a straight girl when I was 14 and then found myself a fellow lady lover to live out my days with. That wasn’t the case.

This is why I was so passionate about Faking It and Karmy (did you read the letter that Carter Covington released? My life will never be the same again.). I think at one point every lesbian and bi lass has yearned for their straight friend or colleague to fall in love with them.

I mean, I’m a realistic person and I know it wouldn’t end well but there’s always that little bit of futile hope that keeps me believing in the impossible. I’ve dated friends and it never ends well and as much as I’d like to say we managed to be friends afterwards I’d be lying if I said that.

This has got a whole lot more personal than I had originally intended.

So now, age 23, I find myself in a very familiar situation. I find myself attracted to (I can’t bring myself to say in love) a straight woman who will inevitably, unintentionally crush my heart.

As a lesbian who is interested in a straight woman, there is nothing more deflating than knowing that you will never be enough. Because, let’s face it, I will never be enough for her. I will never, ever be able to offer her what she wants and needs. Despite how much I can make her laugh and how much we understand each other I will never be anything other than a friend. That is an unpleasant thought. I will never be able to make her as happy as he can. She will never love me like I love her.

She’s the latest addition to the straight girl crush list and I have a feeling this one is going to hit me harder than the rest.


4 thoughts on “There’s always one.

  1. Being bisexual and transgender as well, I feel your pain. But I’ve learned to take solace in reminding myself that I have precious friends who have also stood by me through some difficult times and that I would rather keep them as friends than risk losing them for something more. Of course, as a trans woman, I am all too used to endless rejection from nearly everyone on the dating front, so perhaps that has jaded my perspective. I do sympathize however.

  2. T says:

    Gosh..its bad enough having a crush but in a straight girl…that’s got to be even harder x

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