Have you missed me?

The answer to that question is probably no and I don’t blame you. I expect some of you spent November desperately trying to finish (or start) NaNoWriMo and that those who didn’t were beginning their Christmas shopping and counting down the days until they finished work.

I would love to say I’ve been doing the same things but in reality I haven’t. NaNoWriMo came and went far too quickly and I only managed to write 11,000 words. Although, I’ve never written 11,000 words in such a short amount of time before so I guess that’s a plus. I have completed my Christmas shopping and I’ve now finished work for the Christmas holidays.

I’d love to say that I’ll get back into blogging over this festive period but I know it’s going to be a busy month; I honestly don’t know how I used to blog at least twice a week! That said, I would like to start again in January and, hopefully, start blogging every day or at least three times a week.

Recently, I’ve been back down the gym crying on the treadmill and doing a few hours overtime here and there to boost this month’s income.

I feel like I’ve forgotten how to blog so give me a few days to get back into the swing of it! I’ll probably start by posting some pictures of what I’ve been up to and I should have a Skinny Wagg video (which is LONG overdue) coming your way soon – assuming technology doesn’t fail me!

Back in October, I made a rota of things I wanted to blog about and so I know I have enough structure to blog for about a month as long as I put the effort into getting the contents of my brain onto this blog.

I hope you’ve all been well and that whatever you plan to do this festive season makes you smile. Here’s to a few more months of on and off blogging from me; the ever unreliable blogger that I am.

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20 year old Wagg vs 14 year old Wagg.

Sometimes, I realise I am still 14 year old Wagg. I still can’t talk to girls and I still wonder why girls would ever want to talk to me. I still chuckle when I hear someone say “snog” and I still want to say “crush”: because that’s all it is – it’s not love it’s just some futile little attachment.

But most of all I know I’m still 14 year old Wagg because I know growing up terrifies me. In a few months I’ll be 21. Yup, 21. All around me people are doing degrees, moving out, having children and getting engaged. I still want to make cookies and play in the snow.

I want my life to move forward; I want to do all the things that other people are doing but it’s still ok for that to scare me, right?

I think the truth of it all is that everybody is scared: granted, not about the same things but there’s that underlying fear in every single one of us. Or, I’d like to imagine there is. However, I think most people are scared to admit that they’re scared.

But I’m not.

14 year old Wagg wouldn’t say it because she’s trying, desperately, to look effortlessly cool and calm but 20 year old Wagg doesn’t have to hide to behind that idealistic exterior. 20 year old Wagg is worryingly honest and laughingly uncool and not calm.

14 year old Wagg might have just dropped and smashed a glass because she was thinking about a girl but 20 year old Wagg is picking up the pieces of glass and saying “This day has been awful: I just keep dropping things”.

Whilst 20 year old Wagg wants to ignore her younger self little traits keep popping back up. And where I’d previously want to ignore them, I am now embracing them. 14 year old Wagg is the nervous kid who blushes and stutters and trips up in public. But now, 6 years later, 20 year old Wagg is picking her up and dragging her into the next stage of her life.