Is bisexuality just an experimental or transitional sexuality?

Yup I know what you’re thinking – why is a lesbian asking this question? Do I doubt the validity of bisexuality?

I’m asking this question because I want to know what other people think as I’ve already made up my mind but I wanted to see why people think negatively about bisexuality and, in a roundabout way, explore whether having an experimental sexuality or a transitional sexuality is bad.

Of course I, personally, don’t doubt the validity of bisexuality. Even though I don’t consider myself to have had any bisexual feelings or thoughts I know a lot of people who have and who haven’t had an easy time of it. Seeing them struggle so much made me realise that it was a valid sexuality and that it should be respected.

However, I’m aware that other people don’t feel the same and I want to look at why they don’t. Yes, I have already made up my mind and come to a conclusion for myself but I still hope to look at this topic in a non-biased way and look at the arguments for both sides.

Let’s begin.

Firstly, the definition of bisexuality (according to Wiki…): “Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behaviour toward males and females. The term is mainly used in the context of human attraction to denote romantic or sexual feelings toward men and women.” Cheers Wiki.

Now, the definition of a sequential bisexual from a website about sexuality: “In this category, the person has a relationship with a person of one sex and following that has a relationship with a person of the other sex. ”

Yes, there are at least two different types of bisexuality. Shock horror.

What does this new addition to the bisexual family mean? I think it gives people another opportunity to criticise bisexuality and say that people are just confused and don’t know what they want and that they are more likely to cheat as they get bored and always want the gender that they’re not currently with.

But, before I get carried away with bisexual stereotypes and their effect on the bisexual community I want to look a little closer at the experimental side of things.

Experimenting is defined as testing theories or hypotheses. Lovely. Put quite simply, it’s a way of seeing what works and what doesn’t and then allows for further changes to be made etc.

At school, I hated science experiments because my illogical mind couldn’t process the need for them. I didn’t want to know how different elements reacted when you mixed them together; I just wanted to have lunch and get the day over and done with so I could go home and nap.

Despite my early negative attitudes towards experimentation I now see it to be hugely worthwhile. Look at the constant experiments happening with regards to finding cures for cancers; no-one can say that it isn’t a worthy cause.

Early experiments taught our ancestors what foods to eat and what to make houses out of and, considering how basic and, in some cases, deadly, these would have been; I think we’ve all turned out rather well.  

I think sexual experimentation is particularly important; not only when it includes you but also when it includes others. Yes, I’m going to say it, I think masturbation is healthy and I think a good knowledge of your body and your sexuality can help to build a good relationship and a good sex life.

Thus, I think that sexual experimentation between people of all genders (because, yes, I think there are more than two) is completely normal.

As well as this, bisexual people are more than capable of being in a committed monogamous relationship. Early experimentation does not mean that people will never be able to settle down and nor does it make their sexuality any less valid.

Heterosexual and homosexual people are just as likely to cheat and, in a slightly different way, just as likely to experiment (even if it is just with people of one gender).

However, I can see why there are negative connotations to experimenting. It has been said that bisexual people will “team up with” a straight person or a gay person and use them just to get a thrill or to feel how things work. If this is the case then sure, it’s not an ideal situation and I don’t think straight or gay people should be used if they don’t want to be in a relationship with them for concrete reasons. However, gay and straight people do this too in that they begin relationships with people just for the sake of it for flimsy reasons such as the fact that they are good looking or have a lot of money.

I’m not going to talk about the transitional aspect of the argument much because I think it’s quite closely linked to experimenting and that I’ll end up repeating myself.

I get the impression that a lot of people think that bisexuality isn’t a real sexuality because they feel like it’s a recent thing. But here’s the catch; there have been bisexual people around for ages! Just like being gay, it had a stigma attached to it and that meant that people were afraid to come out.

And then there’s the bisexual stereotype that annoys me the most; “bisexuals can’t make up their minds and they’re just greedy”.

Personally, I don’t find men attractive but I can appreciate a good looking man and I value the company and friendships of men. But, because I’m gay, I struggle to see how people can find people of both genders attractive when they are completely different. But that’s exactly the point –they are completely different and that, I’ve been assured, is very attractive. It’s the same as me being attracted to two different people from different backgrounds, countries and socio-economic groups – it just doesn’t matter as long as I like them. Some people are bi-romantic in that they are romantically attracted to both genders while some are only romantically attracted to one gender but physically attracted to the other. This doesn’t mean they can’t make up their minds, this just means that they are attracted to a range of different people with a range of different qualities.

Onto the greedy stereotype… There’s an assumption that all gay people like everyone from the gender they’re attracted to. So it’s natural to assume that a straight person likes every one of the opposite gender, right? And, if we assume this is true, then bisexual people like EVERYONE! Well that’s clearly not true. This ties in with the idea that bisexual people are incapable of having monogamous relationships. But, as I’ve already said, they are just as capable as anyone else.

I feel a lot better now I’ve got that off my chest.

To round this all up, bisexual people are not the cheating, greedy, experimenting people they are often portrayed to be. I also don’t believe that bisexuality is an experimental or transitional sexuality for the reasons that I have explained above. I hope that, in time, people look behind the flawed stereotypes and understand that bisexuality is just as valid and as important as any other sexuality.

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20 thoughts on “Is bisexuality just an experimental or transitional sexuality?

  1. FreeRangeCow says:

    There are many days I have begged and pleaded and cried to whatever is in “the heavens” that I could be just one thing…gay or straight. I don’t know why I am the way I am (most of the time I come out on the “I am not wrong” side of life); I just AM. I often struggle to tell either side, “gay or straight” how I am because of many of the things you listed. Greedy, indecisive, game-player, not committed. I have been in steady (measured in years) relationships with women that ended for the same reasons they did with the men; we grew apart, we wanted different things, the timing wasn’t right, they (or I) were assholes. I am currently married (10 years) to a man. He knows me, he understands me, he doesn’t ask me to act out pseudo-lesbian acts with other women for his own fantasy gains. He knows if I “crush” on a woman, it’s for real reasons. Ironically, this straight, loving man summed it up for me one day…”I have never met anyone who so purely and truly loves people for their insides…for who they ARE, leaving the external stuff, completely aside.” So now, I think I am just a lover, pure and simple…regardless of “the junk near the trunk.”

    What an awesome and brave topic. Thanks for letting me be brave with my comment.

    • waggcomedy says:

      Thank you so much for your comment – I’m glad you enjoyed my piece and I’m honoured that you thought it was a brave topic. I felt like I needed to put a few things staight (if you will excuse the pun!) and say that I, as a lesbian, have a lot of love and respect for bisexuals and that some people’s attitudes towards them needs to change.

  2. rnouer says:

    Sexuality, like gender, is absolutely a spectrum, just like many other things in life. I often ask my friends, who may identify as gay or straight, to put themselves on a scale from 0-10, if 0 is completely straight, and 10 is completely gay. I have never had any 1 person say a 0 or 10, EVERYONE I’ve asked reports being somewhere in-between, but typically leaning one way or another. So, those who say ‘5’ or close to it, are the folks who might label themselves as ‘bi’ or even ‘pan’, and my personal belief is that their attractions are just as legitimate as mine or anyone else’s.

    • waggcomedy says:

      I completely agree! I think a lot of people think everyone is either one way or another but I definitely think that it’s a spectrum! Thank you for your comment! 🙂

  3. Hilde says:

    FreeRangeCow said it already pretty well. I have a similar type husband, we are together since 2000. I don’t want to call myself really “bisexual” because I don’t think it is 50/50 with me. I would think it is more 75/25 with me, meaning I like women more than men.

    When I met my husband, I was crying over a woman who didn’t want to talk to me anymore, and he comforted me. I fell in love with him DESPITE THE WRONG GENDER, because I felt he was my true soul mate.

    I found that tragic in a way. How can you find your soul mate and then he is of the wrong gender? What do you do? Move on and keep looking? Or grabbing him and marry him?

    I was 37 and did the latter, and it was the smartest think I ever did in my whole life. (I will be 5 0 soon and have a pretty good overview over my life so far).

    So now I fell in love with a woman 9 years older than myself. She sits in Holland and I am in America. It is totally weirs and screwed up, but whatever, I love her. And my husband knows it all, I have told him right away from the start. Our bond is so strong that it can take that. I will not leave him, even if that dutch woman would take me (she doesn’t, BTW, as she is not attracted to me).

    So, I am bisexual? If asked in a conversation or a survey, I usually say “yes”, because I have no time or space to ramble on like I am doing here now. But as I said, it is not 50/50, and I am kinda sure that other bisexual people have their own quota.

    • waggcomedy says:

      Thank you so much for your comment and sharing your story! 🙂 I think an awful lot of bisexual people aren’t 50/50 like others assume and I think that’s another thing that people don’t seem to understand. I wish you all the best. 🙂

  4. Cam says:

    Great topic and discussion.

    Intellectually I feel that bisexuality is just as real as liking chocolate and anise. Just. Because you like one flavor doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of appreciating a completely different one. Personally, I have a hard time envisioning the daily practicalities of it cuz I’m on one end of the spectrum. I’ve never really found women attractive sexually and to me, sexual attraction is grounded in the male form but that doesn’t mean that someone else couldn’t find attraction in both, right?

    Thanks for a fascinating post.

    • Hilde says:

      Cam, what a great entry! To me it is “Pizza and Ice Cream” (not chocolate and anise), but that is just individual. But you got the point.

      I can’t see why I should only like Pizza and never again Ice Cream, or the other way around. I like both in their own, very different ways.

    • waggcomedy says:

      Thank you for your amusing and brilliantly worded comment!Like you, I feel that I am at one end of the spectrum but I loved the food analogy! Great comment!

  5. There’s this saying where I come from, “Bi now, gay later.” It’s a pretty witty comment but fundamentally, I don’t believe it’s true. I’ve met plenty of people who are bi – they’ve had relationships with both men and women and it’s obviously not experimental because their relationships can sometimes be sequential – guy, girl, guy, girl, etc.

    An interesting thing you might want to check out is the Kinsey scale, the result of an experiment conducted by Alfred Kinsey, a (I kid you not) sexologist who wanted to map out people’s sexual responses or experiences at a given time. Basically, it’s a scale for sexual orientation that aims to describe if a person is exclusively homosexual, exclusively heterosexual, both homosexual and heterosexual, or somewhere between the three. It’s really interesting. 🙂

  6. Reblogged this on You are safe here! and commented:
    I have a lot to say about this but , sadly, i am too lazy to type all of what i have to say. Maybe one day i will tell my story but this post hit me deep man. It makes a lot of things clear but the sad part is, many people won’t be able to see this post. I think that many people need to because those walls of stereotypes that we put up need to come down. This post is well written and i applaud the person who wrote it ! Thank you for being brave!! 🙂

  7. wonkywizard says:

    Thank you for being so frank and open about it. In my country bisexuality is on the increase, but not open. I am not certain whether it’s a biological or social construct, or hybrid, or just curiosity to experiment. Well you are what you are – and that’s an honesty. I am “straight”, and such a world can be boring and tiring at times! I am sure lives have all sorts of grey, and all sorts of choices.

  8. I’m going to be honest here, when I first came out I thought that bisexuality was just as you call it “transitional.” I believed that it was just a way for people to come out of the closet or experiment. I’m not sure why I came to this conclusion, but I think it had something to do with my sister who bragged that she was bisexual since she was 12 just for attention, and yes it was for attention because she is utterly straight. Anyways, as I have grown older and had more experience with people I have realized that there are probably more bisexual people in the world than there are gay or even straight. I think that most people are bi and either don’t care to experiment because of society or don’t know how to act upon it. It is certainly legitimate and as a gay woman I have found dating a “straight” girl is really just dating a bisexual woman, I have just been their first encounter with the same sex. Good topic, it should be spoken about more often.

    • waggcomedy says:

      Ahh yeah, an awful lot of people seem to know someone who experimented and said they were bisexual. I think people then get confused by labels and don’t use them in their right way. Yeah I agree, I think an awful lot of people are at least bi-romantic but uneasy about it. Tbh – It’d definitely be a shock if I started having feelings for men. Thanks for your comment! 🙂

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