Man, I feel like a woman (every day of my life).

When my mum gave birth to me on the 10th of February 1993 I bet she had no idea what I’d become. Maybe a vet or a lawyer or a doctor. Maybe a police officer, a paramedic or a teacher. But probably not a lesbian.

Being a lesbian is not a full time career. It takes me minutes a day to scroll through afterellen.com and catch up on lesbian and bi life in the media and it takes even less time for me to look like a lesbian. I always look like a lesbian, or, at least, a stereotypical one.

I have short, often spiky or ruffled hair and tend to wear a lot of shirts, trousers and, if I’m treating myself, ties. I scream lesbian. (Not literally, that would be a bit odd.)

I have been blessed with fairly large breasts. I’m not boasting, they’re just there. Whilst I have no problem with them except for their considerable weight, they seem to pose a problem for other people who try and guess my gender.

I am called sir at takeaway drive throughs, restaurants and swimming pools. I am told that “the men’s toilets are next door” in cafes and theatres.

Some say I bring this on myself and I can understand that. If I hated being called a man so much I would surely make myself feminine? Yeah that makes sense, I get why people would think that.

But here’s the thing. Until I reached 18 when I cut my hair and started to become who I knew I was all along I felt like I was living a lie. I looked in the mirror at my long hair and didn’t see me. I saw someone who was just trying to conform to avoid confrontation. Well fuck that, I am better than that and I am stronger than that.

As you can imagine, I hate gender stereotypes. Boys like blue, girls like pink. Boys have short hair, girls have long hair. Boys where shorts and trousers, girls wear dresses and skirts. Today I am wearing entirely blue, including some blue striped jeans, and am deciding what to do with my newly washed short hair. This does not make me a boy, this makes me a girl.

I also feel like when I’m walking around people judge me purely on the fact that I look like a man and am “OBVIOUSLY A LESBIAN!” (as I frequently hear shouted in my direction). I am a daughter, grand daughter, friend, enemy, ex, work colleague, volunteer, aggressive driver giving you the finger (as in my middle finger, this is not a sex reference!), lover, admirer of cats, photographer, drunken karaoke singer, the person that tells you that you’ve dropped your wallet and the person that holds a door open for you, the person who slips over in public and laughs hysterically at their own stupidity. I am a lot of things as well as a lesbian.

But some people can’t seem to see past this. Let’s say that I work at a hotel, I don’t but it’ll do for the purpose of this example. A couple of months ago we had a coach load of people visiting who had never been to the hotel before. They were meeting up with a company that often come to the hotel. As this was an important occasion I had donned my usual function clothes; a pair of black trousers, white shirt, floppy (FEMININE!) black tie and a black waistcoat (that doesn’t really fit, that reminds me – I need to get a new one…). Within minutes I was having jokes about my sexuality and gender made right in front of me. Now this is at work, a place where I usually feel comfortable to be who I am; thanks to my colleagues who have literally no problem about me being gay. What I found most insulting was that our usual customers were using my gender and sexuality as conversation topics as they never usually mention it at all. Thankfully, it was all dealt with and I received an apology.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: unless you know who I am or what I deal with on a day to day basis or know what gender I am or what sexuality I am or what kind of person I am don’t assume anything. Because when it boils down to it, I am a human and nothing more.

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Man, I feel like a woman (every day of my life).

  1. It has to be for us to categorise and describe ourselves. If outsiders do it, however sympathetically, they come out with crap.

  2. t.dot says:

    i absolutely love this post! well done wagg πŸ˜‰ damn woman! lol

  3. Northern Narratives says:

    This is a great post and I think it is terrible when people are judged by their looks, clothing etc.

  4. GreedyFrog says:

    Great post! A lot of people do like to reduce you to just one thing, and lose sight of the person as a whole. They are the ones missing out though! πŸ™‚

  5. I thought this was about a M transgendered person based off the title. it sucks you live in such an intolerant place 😦 It’s better over here in Canada so maybe you should move here for college? Attitudes like that are hard to change unfortunately 😦

    • waggcomedy says:

      Oh yeah, the title does give that impression! Sorry if I disappointed you! 😦 I’d love to live in Canada, it looks so pictureque! Thankfully I only get the odd bit of trouble but still not good. 😦

  6. Dace says:

    that was also my questions – where the hell do you live? I would assume that shirts and pants (blue or black) do not point to you being a man.

    I also know that there are femmes with long hair, high heels and so many layers of make up that you would spend hours trying to get them off but it doesn’t mean they are straight. Some of them are as homo as homo you can get (not an insult)
    For some people to scream behind you, they must be really unhappy about who they are themselves. Pointing out a normal occurrence ( a woman in pants wearing a tie) reminds them of their lost identities and dreams they have given up to conform to standards. So sad…

    • waggcomedy says:

      I live in Southern England and those incidents are pretty isolated but still frequent enough to get me down.
      Exactly! It’s a shame people can’t see the way we do or I think it’d be a better, less prejudiced place. πŸ™‚

  7. skybunnies says:

    Heya, thank you so much for dropping by my blog, although my fitness journey seems superficial and shallow compared to yours lol! All the same, I hope my dorkiness made you smile though πŸ™‚
    My sister took a while to accept who she was when she was younger and expressed her frustration through hurting herself. My parents and I always had a hunch that she wasn’t straight and we made sure she knew that we’d embrace her with open arms, regardless of her sexual preference.
    She’s now a completely different person once she came out and nothing has changed- in fact, I think it drew the family closer because we feel more connected. Thank you for an awesome read xx
    wp: http://www.skinnyfatsky.wordpress.com

    • waggcomedy says:

      Definitely not – it’s all relative! What’s important to one person might not be as important to another but it’s still important! πŸ™‚
      Aww thanks for sharing your sister’s story. I’m so glad it bought you all closer. πŸ™‚ Thanks for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  8. Cam says:

    People, I think, instinctively make split second assumptions about others based on appearance cuz you can only know what you know/have been exposed to but hopefully they dig deeper and broaden their horizons. The incident with your colleagues is a bit disheartening though since they should know you better than strangers….

    On a little tangent, I’m a little Asian women with the figure of an adolescent boy. When I was in high school if I had short hair and was wearing trousers, the girls would hit on me but the next day if I was wearing a skirt, they didn’t even know I was the same person. It just made me laugh hehe. I guess people will think what they think but you’ll still always be yourself and sometimes that can be its own entertainment πŸ™‚

    • waggcomedy says:

      Yeah that’s the problem – a lot of people can’t be bothered to dig any deeper… Hahaha, that’s brilliant! How did they not know? Yeah it can – I do get the odd laugh out of it! πŸ˜€

  9. assejsirk says:

    Like the post. πŸ˜‰ Besides, we’re not born to please others, we’re proud of who, or what we are. We don’t care on what they saying on lesbian/gay thing. The important things is let’s just be ourselves and be happy. Cheers! πŸ™‚

  10. […] If you haven’t read the first post I did about this then you can read that here:Β https://waggcomedy.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/man-i-feel-like-a-woman-every-day-of-my-life/ […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s