In terms of blogging I missed national coming out day and I wanted to rectify that by doing a coming out related blog. I’ve already kinda done this by telling my coming out story (https://waggcomedy.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/my-coming-out/) but I wanted to do it slightly different in a letter form to myself. So here it is. It’s written to my younger self (probably around 14/15).
Right now you’re obsessed with writing your diary. This is good. It will not only help you to figure out how you feel because you are largely closeted but it will also be a great source of entertainment. I’m not being rude but your observations on people and how you feel is actually laughable. At this moment you’re probably really stressed out and feeling as though being open about who you are will never happen.
It really will.
In about 5 years time you will have a whole group of really supportive friends, family members and colleagues at work. You’ll also be involved in the LGBTQ community and will be meeting people that you never would have thought you would meet. You’ll finally stop using gender neutral nouns and you will happily discuss women and their effects on you with almost anyone. You will feel completely comfortable.
You are slowly gaining weight and really you ought to think about getting rid of some of it because you will end up having to lose a large chunk of it (3 stone) when you are 17 and that won’t be an easy process, nor a permanent one.
That girl you’ve liked since you were 11? You’ll get over her when you’re about 16 when it suddenly dawns on you that she’s straight and all you will ever be is friends. But one evening when you’re 18 and you’re sitting in the pub with her discussing her new job you’ll realise that it’s good that she’s just your friend.
Women will like you. And you will like some of them back. And that will mean that eventually you will be more than friends. Take a deep breath. Don’t be afraid to talk about how daunting that will be and more importantly remember how important she is to you even when you are no longer together. You owe a lot to her and you need to show her that.
Other people might turn to you for advice and sometimes you won’t have all the answers. You will volunteer for a helpline where you will feel your confidence grow in considerable amounts and you will have to think outside of your “L” category and get more involved in the “GBTQ”. You will find it hugely rewarding and you will decide that you want to continue doing similar volunteering.
You will go to pride and walk around and be amazed. You will no longer feel like the only gay person in the world and you won’t feel so alone. You will realise that LGBTQ people come in all shapes, sizes, colours, ages and even more wonderful things.
You will be happy.
And when you’re sitting with her in a bus stop and she asks you if you’re gay and you say no, don’t worry that you won’t ever tell her or anyone else. There are plenty more opportunities. So many that eventually you might even tire of saying it. Except you won’t because you’ll love who you were, are and will be.
Love, me. xxxxx