“I hate nagging.”
Well don’t do it then. Simple.
“I hate nagging.”
Well don’t do it then. Simple.
Today I cleaned out my wardrobe.
(Before I get any further I should probably comment on my state of mind. I am tired, grumpy and hungry. I am possibly hormonal and more than likely to be having a mood swing session. I am feeling nostalgic but also pro-active as if I’m looking forward to the future. Truth be told, I am just hoping for a slightly better situation than my current one.)
They say that if you look for love you don’t find it and that it is when you least expect it that it suddenly appears in your life. Well I’ve been trudging along in my single life for almost two years now and apart from the odd fleeting person or two I haven’t met anyone that I’m particularly impressed with.
It’s not that I’m picky either. I mean I have standards but when it comes down to it, I’m an easily pleased person and I’d like to think I’m pretty easy going and open minded.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been looking in all the wrong places or, rather, not looking at all. I’ve been pretty consumed with my job, friends and eating my weight in crisps and I hate to point this out but those things don’t often lead you to love.
So what has this got to do with my wardrobe?
A lot, actually.
I was thinking earlier about the person that I am and the person that I want to be. I am, in many ways, the person that I want to be. I’m just not showing it. I want to be thinner, better dressed, more approachable and even more confident and eccentric. And I believe that getting rid of some of the old me will help me to become those things.
So I went up to my room and attacked my wardrobe (not literally!).
I took out all the clothes that I had the intention to wear. These included smart skirts, weird tops and tight shirts. Then I took out the clothes that I no longer fit because I have swelled to a size that prohibits me from wearing size 12 trousers and size 10 tops (seriously, I can’t remember even being a size 10 it was so long ago!). Finally I rid myself of the clothes that I love but shouldn’t love. The shapeless hoodies, the baggy shorts and the clingy vest tops.
I’m going to continue to sort through my wardrobe until I reach a stage when I can begin to fill it back up again: this time with striped waistcoats, tight shirts and Aztec t-shirts (just for that bit of eccentric hipster. I just wrote hipster. Wow.).
I’m going to continue my never ending battle to lose weight and then who knows. Maybe I’ll find that girl.
No, this isn’t a dating ad but if you know anyone feel free to send them in my direction!
Normally when I come out of work I don’t want to ever see food again. Tonight goes against that rule. Despite being surrounded by pasta and bread and soup and everything else for a good few hours I still feel hungry.
I only had some mushrooms for lunch and a bit of ice cream after.
I really wanted some garlic bread after seeing tonnes of it tonight but I ended up having some crisps and some chocolate – hardly a healthy evening meal.
I want comfort food: I want a nice chicken casserole, thick, stodgy dumplings and crispy roast potatoes.
Most of all I want a cuddle, a hot water bottle and a decent nights sleep.
Today has not been great. In fact it’s been less than mediocre.
Considering how little sleep I’ve had it’s more like drifting if I’m honest…
Today I began my first draft of the dreaded post. It’s weird because I’m not normally so fussed about how my writing comes across because I figure if people follow my blog and like my posts then they’re enjoying what I write but suddenly I feel the need to perfect this post. I want it to be as clear on here as it is in my head and that’s hard, even for someone who tends to verbalise things quite well. I don’t want to use cliches to explain what I feel and I’m struggling to find a way for it to make sense to you guys. I can bet you that you’ll read the post and think “Well what was all that fuss about? This makes perfect sense! And it’s hardly a topic that people would shy away from!” And that’s true. It’s a topic that I have no problems talking about but often don’t know how to write down. This is a another reason why I shall soon be starting to make a scrapbook (if it ever arrives – I ordered it ages ago!). I like the idea of just putting snippets of what I mean and what I feel down on paper and building a bigger picture from that.
I’m sure that was meant to be more than one paragraph but oh well. It’ll have to do as one big chunk.
I had planned, as some of you will know, to write a post about something that happened a couple of days ago. I still plan to write that but I’m struggling even more on how to word it. It’s a sensitive topic and I want to make sure that I write about it properly so that my meaning is conveyed accurately.
Until I feel ready to do that I shall upload a new post probably every three days and I should hopefully get that big post done in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for your patience.
On to today’s topic!
I’ve been thinking a lot about sleep recently. That’s probably because I haven’t been getting much! First I was excited about meeting Clare Balding (picture at the end of this post) and then my cat went missing which meant I barely sleep at all over the weekend.
That is not like me and my body is not reacting well to the lack of sleep at all.
I feel constantly sleepy, run down and strangely hungry and I feel like it’s starting to have an effect on me.
Get some more sleep I hear you say and I’d love to but there are a couple of things holding me back. Work is one. When I get home from work at 9ish I feel awake. I don’t think I could go straight to bed after work because I feel so alert. The house. I’m expected (and quite rightly!) to do things around the house to help my mum out. I don’t object to doing these things as I understand how hard she has to work and so I like helping her a bit with that. But the only problem I have is that when I get up to do things the cats are very lively and don’t tend to abide by my napping needs by being quiet. (As I write this I can hear an angry cat growling away somewhere in the house…)
I read somewhere recently that you can’t make up on the sleep you’ve lost so that each new night is a clean slate but I can’t seem to believe that and so I keep trying to sleep more so that I catch up on what sleep I haven’t had.
I don’t have a problem getting off to sleep (usually) but more often than not I find myself not having the time or opportunity to sleep. That’s an awful excuse really but it’s true.
Anyway I’m off for a nap. Hope you guys all have a good day and an even better sleep. 😀
I came on here this evening to do a long, deep post about something that happened to me yesterday. But I just can’t bring myself to write it tonight. I know I should get it out in the world so that I’m not just processing it over and over in my head but I can’t find a way to verbalise it without it sounding a little disjointed. I’ll try and get it posted tomorrow. Think I’ll do a quick draft first.
Winter is the ultimate season in my opinion. Yes I like autumn, spring and summer but there is something very magical about winter.
I love nothing more than crunching through snow, running home in the rain and snuggling up in a thick winter jumper. And, if I may be so honest, I look pretty damn cute in a hat and scarf.
I’m not sure whether winter’s delightful connotations of childhood excitement makes it such a good season but I guess that could be a factor. I, like a lot of other people, adore Christmas. I must admit I hate the consumerism of it all but I love the gifts, the general happy mood and, of course, the food. So maybe that’s why I love winter because it houses one of my favourite celebratory occasions.
Or maybe it’s because it reminds me of a couple of years ago when, around the time of Christmas, I was in a rather lovely relationship. I think that plays a large part too. Winter reminds me of times I was truly happy.
It could also be because my granddad died very close to Christmas. Surely that’s not a good thing, I can imagine you thinking. And you’re right, it was awful. But when he died I was suddenly made aware of what a brilliant man he was. I mean I knew it all along but you don’t really realise what you’ve got until you’ve lost it. And so I use winter as a time to reflect on all the awesome times I had with him.
That’s not to say that good things haven’t happened in autumn, spring and summer but more that winter just makes me the happiest. And I cannot wait for it to be truly be winter.