For a while now I’ve wanted to write a book. Not a bestseller full of gratuitous lexis and extended metaphors but a simple book about something that is hopefully good to read. Yup, just a simple book.
I’ve tried to write in the past: a trilogy focusing on the relationship of some lovers, a play about teenage years and self-expression and a short selection of stories about sport. I even tried to write a book about a lesbian relationship – one that portrayed what really happens but only clichés filled my head despite how much I tried to steer away from them. None of them meant anything to me. I always felt like I was trying to say what something but that I couldn’t get it across because none of the characters and none of the situations were about me.
So I thought, what do I know lots about? Me. Simple.
Now I’m not stupid: my life is incredibly dull. But I haven’t always seen it in such a raw form. I used to keep a regular diary (as many of you who read my blog will know) and in it I described in heart wrenching detail how awful and confusing my life was. Sometimes if I’m feeling low I’ll read a few pages and think to myself if only I could talk to my 15 year old self.
I know this sounds deeply philosophical from a girl who’s still only 19 but a lot can change in 4 years. I think I would say the following to my younger self “Look kid, it’s rough now but it isn’t always going to be. You’re going to get decent exam results and no-one is going to reject you when you come out. You’re going to get more cats (yes more!) and you’re going to lose one as well. That will be awful and it will conjure up all sorts of painful memories for you. You could do with focusing a little more in sixth form – you get kinda lazy. You’re going to pass your driving test and get a job and you’ll love and hate both of those things. You’re going to get a girlfriend. But breathe; it’s not as scary as you think it is. Your friends will support you throughout all of the above and so you need to keep them close. And keep your enemies closer – it’s not made up nonsense, it helps.”
I’m thinking of taking short extracts from my diary and reflecting on them with annotations, pictures and maybe even colours. I’m pleased that I can finally find something that I’m excited about writing.