Yesterday I got my A2 Woyzeck script back which, as part of my A level in Drama and Theatre Studies, I had to think of a concept for and annotate.
This script means a lot to me. For most people it just looks like a normal script with highlighted chunks of text, mediocre drawings of set design and flawed theories of a murder plot carried out by a spurned man.
To me it is a hell of a lot more.
It’s at least 25 hours of work and lots and lots of sweat and tears. No blood though as I have hemophobia… At the time of my annotations and concept I was very low; probably the lowest I have ever felt. This is reflected in the script through various scribblings which explore my doubting of life, happiness and social hierarchy.
Having a flick through it is both hilarious and harrowing. I was clearly really down and desperately trying to figure things out through the script. I was like a parent living vicariously through a child. But I was also poking fun at the things that were upsetting me the most: the feeling of being lost, being less worthy than others and the feeling of lack of control. I tentatively addressed these in my most common form of distraction: comedy. I ploughed my way through copious monumental decisions by belittling them with wit.
And it worked.
I look back on the script and can conclude that I have done what I set out to do. No, not get a decent A level in that subject (though I did and I was chuffed!) but to understand a bit more of the world we live in and its relevance to me. I have found myself, become a lot more worthy (and a bit cocky) and gained control.
And so I owe a lot to that script.