I would say I miss you but I’d be lying. I still find you tempting but, four months since the last time you were in my life, I can honestly say I don’t need you.
I would find you in my darkest hours and revel in your comfort as you helped me to block out my most painful thoughts and feelings. You were, at most, a deterent. You helped me forget what I couldn’t face but now I face such things alone; without you.
I have to send the difficult texts, work for 12 hours at a time and wake up knowing that I cannot rely on you.
It’s been four months and I can’t see myself turning back.
We had our good times. We had our late night giggles and our early morning pick me ups but essentially you were a diversion.
I’ve discovered the delights of the gym and the people in my life who want to hear what’s troubling me and it’s refreshing. It’s much more refreshing than downing a caffeineated drink and having to deal with the headaches and nausea and paranoia afterwards.
I’m so sorry I had to leave you but we were no longer getting on. I loved you more than words could describe but you did me no favours and made me into a bad person. A person I didn’t want to be.
Maybe one day when I feel like I can trust myself not to be taken back in by you I’ll drop by and see if we can be friends. Just a pint or two instead of three of four.
But until then goodbye.
All the best,