I’ll make this quick.

Every year I make the same lame jokes about how, because he’s dead, I don’t have to get him a present. And every year I completely ignore father’s day and most of the world and just pretend that nothing’s happening. But this year I can’t seem to.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I’d like some direction. Not from a careers advisor or a friend or a website: I want a dad’s advice. I want a jokey, half mumbled speech about doing what makes me happy whilst earning some money. I want bad dad jokes in the car, angry texts when I’m not back and it’s late, someone to tell me that I don’t drive my car properly. Because I don’t, and I need to hear that.

I guess I’m jealous of what other people have and this year, more than any other year, I want it. I want a dad.

Yes, I’ve got a dad: technically. He just isn’t here. But that’s the tricky part of it.

I’m not even sure what I’m getting to. Basically, this year I’ll be doing less head in the sand stuff and more appreciating what I do have: because it’s only once it’s gone that you realise how much you needed it.


16 thoughts on “Dad.

  1. shangreene says:

    Here, I’ll be a dad for you:

    “The FIRST thing we’ll have to do is straighten out these boyfriend issues! Where in holy hell did you meet that jackass! Second, what is with your grades?! Do you have any idea what kind of job you’re going to get with those? And, why can’t you and your mother get along – that’s your fault you know?”

  2. summerjacket says:

    Thanks for visiting my blog, looks like we’ve got some things in common, my dad’s dead too, my bf’s currently in jail and kicking the habit hopefuly for good, I am 10 years older than you though, but hee age is so relative.

    And I like the humor, I forget about humor sometimes, I recently realised that there is meaning in humor, it’s actually good for something, I need to get less serious.

    Keep up your writing, I’m liking it.

  3. Bill says:

    Not sure why my Gravatar has run away from my profile… ~ but, hey, that’s not what I came here to say…

    What I really want to say is that I really like this post. I’m old enough to be your dad…, and that’s all I have to say about that…, but sounds like some life and wisdom and have caught up to you (as happens to all of us eventually, if we’re lucky). And it’s always a mix of melancholy and freshness. AND, you’ve expressed it wonderfully. I think that any of us who continually find ourselves a bit more alone in the world with each passing of a loved one can totally relate. Sounds like you’re having a real sense of the present moment; aware of being in the balance somewhere between the nonrefundable past and a future that’s wide open with possibilities.

    I pray that through the years you have many “dads” and “moms” and friends to serve you well along the way.

  4. Jack says:

    😦 ❤ I Love You, Wagg

  5. I read a couple of your other posts first, but really like them all. You have a great open style of writing. Glad you stopped by my blog so I could come by and discover yours. Great stuff.

  6. YourStalkerEmily says:

    ❤ I love you. xxxxx

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