Poems and things.

For a while now I’ve been meaning to transfer all my documents from my old laptop to my new one. Today I finally got my arse in gear and did it and I was a little surprised by what I found.

Up until about a year ago, I was drinking a lot of caffeine which led to some dramatic mood swings and patches of depression and then extreme happiness. This coincided with hormones and life in general and the result was about 200 love, anger, hate and adoration fueled poems.

I read a couple back today and, whilst most are complete rubbish, a couple hit me pretty hard. I have no idea how, when I was so confused and caffeineated, I managed to accurately describe my life and emotions. It seems as though the caffeine tapped into a really eloquent part of me: a part which, I think, has been lost.

And I miss that.

Yes, there were times in those years that I really struggled but at least I could verbalise and rationalise what I was feeling. Now I feel comfortable with publicly expressing how I feel but I often can’t find the right words.

A lot of the poems rhyme (something that I find difficult to do now) and use words that contain more than three syllables and they just sound pretty decent.

While I’m not entirely sure how I feel about these poems at the moment, I’m going to keep reading through them. It feels like a younger version of myself was desperately writing the future (current) me a long list of reminders about good and bad things and reminding her that things could only get better. And they did. Some of them are hard to read because it’s aparent that I was quite upset but others leave me feeling hopeful.

To quote a younger and thinner version of myself:

“Hate me for saying this,

But some things in life are shit,

And I love it,

I love getting through them and knowing I’m better a person.”

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6 thoughts on “Poems and things.

  1. josephinely says:

    Hellooo, thanks for liking my today’s post. I like yours too 😉 have a great day !

  2. Bill says:

    A couple of good places for keeping things (writings) you don’t want to lose due to computer crashes and deleted blogs, etc.: 1. Microsoft Skydrive and 2. Penzu (a cool online journal). Both have free versions, but the paid version of Penzu (about what you’d pay for a small hard-bound journal each year) is really cool. I use Penzu to write freely and then only transfer to blog what I’m comfortable with… And I can write and access from anywhere!

  3. RoseofTARDIS says:

    Noticed you liked my blog so I decided to stop by. Just had to mention how I can relate to a lot of what you said above. I’ve always written down everything whether it was in the form of a journal, short story, or poetry. Some of these writings I’ve seen and read back often enough to remember, others I have stumbled upon after years of not seeing and been somewhat shocked at what was written. All I can tell you is that I find it to be a really good thing. It served it’s purpose. You wanted to remember who you were at that time and how you felt, and you’ve just experienced that. Which was probablly you’re intention all along. Even if you didn’t realize. 🙂

    • Yeah I’ve always done that too – I’ve been keeping a diary now for 4 years pretty solidly and it’s quite therapeutic. It’s exactly that – I had no idea that I was going to look back on them and go through all of that emotion again. Because some are quite detailed it’s literally like walking back over it all. Thanks for taking the time to check out my blog! 🙂

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