A proper hello.

So it appears that last night I only told you my name; not why I’m doing this or anything else about me. So here goes…

As you know, I’m Wagg. Yup that’s my real name. Like CherΒ or Adele. Just Wagg. Nothing else. (I’m kidding but my full name is much less interesting!)

I’m 19 and live in sunny England. I currently work in catering and I’m desperately lonely. Oh sorry, thought I was speed dating for a second.

I love cats and food (mostly carbs) and afternoon naps.

I want to be a stand up comedian. No wait. I am a stand up comedian. An undiscovered stand up comedian. Here comes that ego again.

Now I’m going to write a huge block of text to prove that I can write more than just simple sentences.

The problem with wanting to be a stand up comedian is that other things get in the way. Or maybe I let other things get in the way. Like work and eating and other people trying to get me to persue careers in teaching. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m only 19 and that right now catering is good for me. I get a lot of food and laugh from the beginning to the end of my shift. I also get blisters and burns and a pension plan. I’ve always wanted to be in the police but after failing three fitness tests I’ve decided I need to get other aspects of my life sorted beforeΒ I can fully commit to that. I need to end my relationship with food. Maybe not entirely but I certainly need to divorce potatoes and marry my local gym.

Comedy has always been an outlet to me. Maybe even a front. If I can be funny, people will like me or that’s the theory at least. But now I want to be more serious about my comedy (Eh? How does that work?). More focused and a lot more determined. So I’ve started making YouTube videos, writing material and even started doing this.

So yeah. Fun times ahead.


29 thoughts on “A proper hello.

  1. Phlegethon says:

    Good luck πŸ™‚
    As a part time admin assistant trying to get into writing (whilst also facing food temptation) I sympathise with you!

  2. Exactly! I literally do not get angry enjoyment out of salad! But chips and icecream and the like… Well I’d say I’m obsessed!

  3. Ooooh baked goods! I pushed myself to go to the gym this morning… It hurt!

    • Phlegethon says:

      Congrats! If I wasn’t so lazy I’d take after your lead. Instead I’ll have another slice of cake…

      • People say the gym makes you feel better about yourself… They lie! Ah I’d love some cake!

      • Phlegethon says:

        Maybe if you go to a gym with people doing worse than you, you will do. The bitter stares that you get just increase your self worth. And Lemon Drizzle or Fruit cake?

      • Sadly everyone else is super fit. 😦 OOOOH lemon drizzle all the way!

      • Phlegethon says:

        You need to pick your timing better. I used to go when it was just some old people. They tried but they couldn’t compete with me.

        Can’t be lemon drizzle. Unless you have crumble.

      • Yeah, maybe I do… Bit tricky with the strange hours I work though. 😦
        I love crumble. Oh crumble! Crumble and cream! Oh what are you doing to me? πŸ˜›

      • Phlegethon says:

        Go to a gym at an old peoples home?

        Ice cream or custard? Which is better?
        Apple or Rhubarb?

        And I’m uh, motivating you. I think. I’m helping. Or maybe the opposite of helping. Maybe that.

      • I could but how would I get in?
        Definitely ice cream! πŸ˜€
        Not fussed on the rhubard and apple front – either is good!
        I need lots of motivation (in the form of sugary foods!).

      • Phlegethon says:

        Dress up as an old lady, obviously.
        Ice cream? Pfft. Custard!
        I’m a rhubarb man but I have to say that so long as it’s crumble, I wouldn’t say no.
        My dentist would disagree…
        And surely sugary food motivation defies the logic of losing weight? πŸ˜›

      • Ah yes, the old lady trick! πŸ˜›
        I really don’t like custard, sorry!
        That’s the good thing about crumble – whatever is inside it is just one delicious element!
        Yes but… Ugh. πŸ˜›

      • Phlegethon says:

        Don’t like custard? Oh that is disappointing.
        Crumble is just amazing.
        I’m probably not helping your diet here πŸ˜›

      • I know, I’m a let down. 😦
        Crumble is the best! πŸ˜€
        Haha, I find talking about my cravings helps! πŸ˜›

      • Phlegethon says:

        Well only a little bit. If you liked custard but not crumble I’d remonstrate more πŸ˜›
        Hahah how does that work for you?
        I’ve eaten all the baked goods so there isn’t anything unhealthy to eat in the house. Does that count as dieting?

      • I don’t know, but if I talk about food I seem to trick my body into thinking that I’ve eaten it…
        Yes, definitely! That means you’re preventing yourself from eating it at a later date! And it’s planning in advance which takes skill! πŸ˜›

      • Phlegethon says:

        Hmm, I see what you are saying.
        Like chewing gum convinces your stomach that you’ve eaten something.
        That’s what I thought! I’m glad you agree! Other people were just calling me greedy but it’s called thinking ahead!

      • Yeah just like that! πŸ˜€
        Oh definitely not greedy!

      • Phlegethon says:

        Thank you. I’ll have to tell everybody that I was thinking about their own health too.
        Once I have the strength to get up that is…for some unknown reason I get really tired when I’m standing up… πŸ˜›

      • Yeah, you’re being a really considerate person!
        Text them or something instead? Less effort… πŸ˜›

      • Phlegethon says:

        Good idea πŸ˜€
        But my phone is in the other room…
        Oh dear.

      • Ah… In which case, scratch that.

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